I am so excited to say that I have been fortunate enough to be interviewed by Martine Oglethorpe from the blog, “The Modern Parent”, about our experiences with bullying. You can find it at http://themodernparent.net/how-this-family-overcame-bullying/

A close friend of mine, told me that her son had been taken out of class to meet with the school counsellor, without her knowledge. Her son had been retaliating lately, to other children hurting him physically and verbally. He is a beautiful boy, who is very often misunderstood. He beats to his own drum and has a wonderful, creative imagination that thinks outside the box, on a wavelength not explored by the average child. He is artistic, sensitive, fun and one of the best climbers I have ever seen in my life! Move over spiderman! He doesn’t fit in with the “norm”, and why should he?

He is very often singled out and picked on because of all these reasons. Sadly, not only by children, but also by his teachers. His teachers seem to automatically punish him without even understanding the situation. They don’t listen to his reasoning, let alone give him the chance to explain himself. They have put him in the “too hard” basket, too hard because they just don’t understand him and maybe can’t even be bothered trying to.

My friend was understandably furious that the school had taken it upon itself to determine that he needed to see the counsellor, who questioned him without her permission or her presence. He is only nine years old and he was asked a series of questions, to which he was given a choice of answers. One word popped up in every series of answers, “angry”, for e.g. “How do you feel when you are picked on?” He did not answer “angry” to any of the questions and therefore “proved” that he did not have an “anger management problem” – which is what they were looking for, a reason for his retaliation. At the end of the session, the counsellor turned to him and said, “You are not a bully!” What the? Had they been trying to brand him by determining that he was a bully for defending himself and retaliating against the abuse he was receiving? Would that make it easier for them to be able to deal with him? When are our schools going to take charge of this whole “bullying” situation and put practices in place that demonstrate to children that there are consequences for their actions? Consequences that must be dealt with so that they understand that their bullying behaviour will not be tolerated and does actually hurt! When is the victim going to be taught how to deal with the emotions that are created when they are bullied, rather than get branded for them? Yes, I too would be retaliating, as would a lot of people! The victim, in my opinion, has the right to defend themselves and the bully must stop getting attention from teachers when their actions are met with retaliation. Teach these kids that their behaviour is hurtful, it is negative and it must stop. Yes, retaliation is not always the answer, but if the bullies were taught how to deal with their own problems, perhaps they would not feel the need to lash out and hurt others and hence instigate retaliation.

It is easy to brand a child, when they start to fight back and stand up for themselves, and once they are branded, the vicious circle begins. It takes a teacher with a depth of understanding and a wealth of patience to see through this, once created, and deal with the reasons why. My friend told me that when she approached her son’s teacher to discuss that he was being bullied, the teacher responded with, “Why, tell me why he is bullied?” How pathetic! As if it’s ok to bully him because he doesn’t fit in and he is different to her expectations of the “perfect” child.

Branding a child, and organising a meeting with the school counsellor without parental approval or presence is appalling, and breaks every moral rule, especially when the child’s class mates know that it is happening, because the child is taken out of class. Our schools are there to nurture our children, and reinforce the values that they should be taught at home, to accept everyone for who they are and to celebrate their differences. They need to implement a zero bullying policy and enforce it, to show the children that there are consequences if they hurt someone physically or mentally.

I have seen it way too many times, more often than not it is the bully who walks away and has learnt nothing from their actions because there has been no punishment, and so proceeds to do it all over again, and the victim who walks away feeling like the perpetrator, the one who has the problem. My only question is why?

This precious boy will grow up one day and the world will appreciate his individuality, because it is a gift. It is people like him that change the world, because they think outside the box, and see the beauty in the universe. They harness the excitement and potential in the world and mould it to create something amazing. Instead of trying to shut these people down by making them conform to what someone has decided to be the “norm”, we should be celebrating these qualities and nurturing them, and waiting in anticipation for what they are bound to create. After all, a box is really just a box, and it’s no fun when no one thinks outside of it and the rest of the world sees the same four walls in the same way that you do.

Last night at my son’s high school, we had a “Mother/Son Night”. It was beautiful. It was all about reconnecting with our sons as they make the transition from primary school to high school. I looked around the room and saw how the speakers’ words provoked all sorts of emotions in the faces of the mums around me, who were feeling exactly the same as me. I had come to realise that this is a time of wanting to hold on so tight, but knowing that we have to start letting go, just a little bit, as our boys start to grow up into fine young men.

The kids had to bring something that would remind their mum about their childhood, but were not allowed to tell us what it was. So, my boy secretly went upstairs, hunted around until he found what it was he was looking for, and smuggled it into his backpack. Read more…

There are many different forms of bullying. Generally, bullying can be grouped into the following categories:

• Verbal – name calling, gossiping about someone, criticising or spreading rumours
• Emotional – threatening, intimidating someone, putting someone down
• Exclusion – ignoring or isolating someone
• Physical – hurting someone physically, and or destroying their property
• Cyberbullying – using technology to hurt someone emotionally via text messages, pictures, and other social media sites.

Whatever the type of bullying, it is wrong. Bullying involves hurtful behaviour which is repeated over again. It can happen anywhere, anytime, and the consequences can be devastating. Read more…

A few years ago, I read an article in the newspaper about the “Car Park Mafia”. If I hadn’t experienced it and seen it for myself, I would have laughed and thought,”Yeah right, how can that exist?” Instead, I grabbed the newspaper with enthusiasm and eagerly read the article, which spilled the ugly truth about this crazy epidemic sweeping through our schools at lightning speed. Read more…

]]> http://www.blogitmum.com/?feed=rss2&p=255 0 http://www.blogitmum.com/?p=194 http://www.blogitmum.com/?p=194#comments Fri, 23 May 2014 04:36:16 +0000 http://www.blogitmum.com/?p=194  “Women Behaving Badly…”

I grew up always seeing the good in everyone. Everyone was wonderful in my eyes. I was always worried about hurting someone else’s feelings. Why would someone want to hurt someone else on purpose, I thought, that’s insane! My husband, who is way more streetwise than me, reminded me often, “Be careful, not everyone thinks like you!” Yeah right, I thought, what a sad way to look at life. But he was right. It wasn’t until I was in my mid 30s that my perception of human nature changed forever. Read more…

“Pick on Somebody Your Own Size…”

A few years ago when my daughter was 4 years old and in kinder, I was putting her to bed one night. She looked at me with her beautiful big brown eyes, graced with long, thick, dark eyelashes that look like butterfly wings and said, “Mummy, I’m not beautiful because I’m not tall!” She then started to cry. Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt the sudden need to scoop her up with both arms, wrap her up in cotton wool, and protect her forever from this big, sometimes horrible world. Here we go I thought, I knew this would happen. Read more…

“The Up Side of Bullying… If there is one”.

Have you ever sat back and thought about the challenges that our kids face in everyday life? Why are they so different to those we faced when we were growing up? Or are they? Read more…

I started this blog after I met with a friend of mine, who shared with me her gut wrenching experience. Her daughter had been the victim of bullying for a number of years, and had tried to harm herself, twice. It broke my heart to see my beautiful friend and her beautiful girl suffer such pain, just because of someone else’s hate. Bullying has to stop. It is an evil epidemic with tragic consequences. My friend was smart enough to seek professional help, as you should when a situation like this escalates to such a point of despair and desperation. But what if we could do something before it gets to this point? Read more…

Bullying is an issue I feel very strongly about. My personal experiences have led me to devote a page just on this topic (please see pages bar above). I hope it adds value to someone’s life…